Today, I’m the most thankful

So, I’m up early, drinking coffee, scheduling some tweets for work,  hanging out with the cats and watching Chopped on Netflix when I realize, this is the first year in a long time that I’m going into Thanksgiving without fear or overeating or binge eating. For last two years, I’ve dreaded Thanksgiving. I counted calories every day, even on Thanksgiving — especially on Thanksgiving. I’d wake up feeling immediate and agonizing guilt about the food the day had in store. I’d go running first thing in the morning to try to bank some extra calories for the day. I’d skip breakfast to try to bank some extra calories for the day.

So of course, I’d show up to Thanksgiving dinner in the early afternoon so, so hungry. I’d start eating and feel guilt after 2 or 3 bites. I’d keep eating though, because I’ve not had breakfast and I’ve just run six miles and I’m so hungry. I’d eat more, the guilt increasing with each bite. Eventually, the guilt would reach a tipping point and I’d say, “Forget it! Today’s a wash! I’m going to be fat forever no matter what I do, so I’m just going to eat everything!!” And I’d overeat. I’d eat until I was sick, then spend the rest of day miserable, wishing I could go exercise more to kill off some calories.

This year, I’m excited. I’m not the least bit concerned with overeating. I’m not concerned with calories. I’m looking forward to having the special vegetarian stuffing my sister takes care to make for me every year and actually enjoying it, instead of feeling guilty. I’m not running 6 miles. I’m not running any miles. I may do a quick yoga practice if I feel like it. I’m going to have breakfast. And I’m going to spend the day being thankful for all the good things in my life instead of logging mac and cheese calories in MyFitnessPal.